The Price of Perfectionism

Welcome to the very first episode that I'm actually recording in 2023! I can hardly believe that we're here—2023, can you believe it? It feels surreal to say, but here we are, embarking on new experiences, and today, we're diving into a topic that I’m really passionate about: perfectionism.

Let me be transparent with you right off the bat. When I first envisioned this year, I had grand goals—big dreams for expanding this podcast, venturing into YouTube, and even creating videos to accompany our episodes. But, of course, as with any new venture, perfectionism crept in. I spent the last 30 minutes trying to perfect the setup, make the video look just right, and make sure everything worked flawlessly. But the truth is, I don’t have a degree in audio-visual anything. I'm a business owner, and though I’ve learned a lot over time, I’m still learning as I go.

Catch Up and Updates

As we step forward into today's episode, let's remind ourselves that it’s okay to feel imperfect, and sometimes, it’s exactly where we need to be. You're here because you want to challenge that perfectionism. If you're listening, then it’s the perfect time for you to start—no matter when you decided to tackle perfectionism.

And by the way, I get it. Perfectionism can feel comforting. It makes us feel like we’re in control. But we’ve got to remember that taking a step toward growth often involves stepping into the discomfort. As you listen today, I invite you to hold space for that discomfort and allow yourself to grow. This journey isn’t about being perfect—it’s about moving forward, one step at a time.

Personal Updates for 2023

Before we get into the meat of today’s conversation, let me share a bit about what’s been going on at Allied. In 2023, we’ve made the intentional decision to slow things down a little. It’s a scary thing to say, especially when you have big goals for the year. But sometimes, slowing down is just what we need to prepare for what’s ahead.

For example, on January 11, we hosted an incredible live training with Chelsea Schumaker, who helped us understand how to advocate for our learners and their need for physical movement in PE. If you missed it, don’t worry—check out episode 117 of the podcast, where we talk more about Chelsea's work.

Additionally, from January 25-27, we have the International O&M Online Symposium, where over 400 people have already signed up! This event is truly incredible. It’s not just about the content—it’s about the community, the connections, and the ways we learn from each other. I’m beyond grateful to be part of this and to have the privilege of guiding you through it.

Looking ahead, in March, we’ll be relaunching Clarity, but this time with an exciting new structure. We’ve got over 200 lesson plans, and I want to make sure that everything we offer is accessible to you, no matter how tight your schedule might be. We’re going to make sure that you’re able to teach impactful lessons even when time is tight. And this summer, we’re planning a leadership retreat for people who are passionate about Orientation and Mobility (O&M). Fingers crossed, that will come to fruition!

What is Perfectionism?

Now, let's talk about perfectionism. You know, perfectionism is a tricky beast. We live in a society where hustle culture reigns supreme, and that drive for perfection can feel productive. But there’s a downside too. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m a perfectionist. There are times when I think, “This isn’t good enough, I can do better.” And while that drive can help us strive for excellence, it can also hinder us—especially when we start to fall into self-criticism and unrealistic expectations.

So, what exactly is perfectionism? According to Brown University, perfectionism is “a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high, unrealistic goals.” If we really think about it, this definition is spot on. Perfectionism doesn’t just push us to aim high—it often makes us feel like we must achieve the impossible. And when we inevitably don’t reach that ideal, we criticize ourselves. The real issue isn’t the perfectionism itself, but the anxiety, stress, and self-criticism that comes along with it.

The Three Types of Perfectionism

Let’s break it down a little more. In a 2019 study, Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill identified three different types of perfectionism:

1. Self-oriented perfectionism: This is when we set extremely high standards for ourselves and feel like we're never good enough, no matter how hard we try.

2. Socially-prescribed perfectionism: This is when we believe that others expect us to be perfect in order to gain their approval or acceptance.

3. Other-oriented perfectionism: This is when we impose unrealistic standards on others and criticize them when they don’t meet those expectations.

As an Enneagram Type 1, I can definitely relate to self-oriented perfectionism. I’m often my own harshest critic, always striving to be better, to do better. But that inner critic can get loud—and if we’re not careful, it can prevent us from taking risks or making progress.

The Price We Pay for Perfectionism

The downside of perfectionism isn’t just in the missed goals or the unmet expectations—it’s in how it affects our overall quality of life. Perfectionism can breed anxiety, stress, and burnout. When we’re constantly criticizing ourselves or others, it becomes harder to take risks, to try new things, or to even show up for our work.

Think about the Wright Brothers—they didn’t give up after their first, second, or third attempt at building an airplane. If they had, we wouldn’t have the ability to travel across the world in a matter of hours. It’s the small, everyday decisions that we make that count. But when we let perfectionism rule, it’s easy to get stuck. For instance, we all know the feeling of signing up for something—like a webinar—and then not showing up because we’re worried it won’t be “perfect.” But here’s the thing: that one idea, that one piece of learning, could change everything for us.

How to Combat Perfectionism

So, what do we do? How do we stop letting perfectionism hold us back?

1. Therapy: First and foremost, I can’t stress enough how important it is to seek therapy. I’ve found therapy to be a game-changer in my own journey. Whether it’s talk therapy or something else that works for you, mental health is just as important as physical health.

2. Allowing Things to Be Messy: Let go of the fear of failure. It’s okay to not be the best in every situation. You don’t need to be perfect all the time. Sometimes, it’s okay to let things be messy.

3. Setting Boundaries: Set boundaries—not just with others, but with yourself. Stop scrolling through your phone during lunch. Set aside time to jot down ideas and trust that they’ll be good enough.

4. Not People-Pleasing: Don’t worry about what others think of you. Take care of yourself first, and let others’ opinions fall where they may. You can’t please everyone.

5. Creating White Space: Leave room for rest and reflection. The hustle culture makes us feel like we always need to be “on,” but sometimes we need space to just be.

One Step at a Time

Perfectionism is a big topic, but it’s one that’s worth tackling. It’s not about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming the person you want to be—step by step, without beating yourself up along the way. Your perfectionism isn’t helping you; your drive, your passion, and your commitment to growth are the real drivers.

So, as we wrap up this episode, I encourage you to take one small step forward today. What can you do right now to quiet the self-criticism, to let go of unrealistic expectations, and to move closer to the person you want to become? One step at a time—that’s how we break free from perfectionism.

Thanks for joining me today. I’m so glad you stuck with me through this conversation. Until next time, remember: it’s all about growth, not perfection.

Useful Resources:

• Explore the IOMOS Priority List to stay ahead in your O&M practice.
• Join the Clarity Workshop for in-depth training and actionable strategies.
• Register for the TVI Symposium  to connect with fellow educators and learn from experts in the field.